Sunday, June 29, 2014

Old Friends

As I get older, it seems I am drawn more and more to old friends that I've known for many years.  Maybe that's normal?  We have a common upbringing, common friends, common memories.  We are a support group of peers that no formal help group can equal!  Our bonds grow stronger as we struggle with aging, divorce, death of a child or spouse, health issues or job loss.

This past Friday night I went out with a girlfriend from high school. It was a big night out on the town for both of us. We went to Trader Joe's which is a grocery store!  But, it was something to do and we do enjoy our time together.

After a very brief shopping experience we stopped at Chipotle's for dinner.  Nothing special but it was an absolutely gorgeous night and we decided to eat outside.  We ended up sitting there and chatting until 11:45 pm.and long after the restaurant had closed.  It was the two of us and the cleaning crew inside!

We get into some deep conversations occasionally.  Very casually, she asked me what I would have done differently in my life.  My immediate response was twofold:  1.) I would get my education, and 2.) I wouldn't have married my ex.

I was very emphatic on that!  The first is so true! I've always regretted not getting my education.  I have no idea how I would have done it but there had to be a way.  I didn't know what I wanted to be and had no clear goals.  Who knows the things I could have done with a degree?  What doors would have opened?  But, it's too late now for it to make much difference in the rest of my life.  Still, it is a lifelong regret and I will tell anyone who asks to pursue your goals and dreams.  Pursue them with a vengeance!

Regarding the 2nd answer:  My marriage was "okay" at times but I wouldn't say it was ever good.  We were socially, emotionally, financially and spiritually on different paths.  It was not a recipe for success.  I don't regret my decision to leave my marriage and I honestly think it was the only choice I had. It's not always been easy being single but I've grown more as an individual than I could ever have done in that marriage. I do regret that the marriage didn't work. I was raised as a Christian and marriage was "once" and "for life".  Somehow I had to reconcile in my head and heart before I could leave.  It came down to the fact that I felt that God didn't want me to live a miserable life. He is my Heavenly Father and he wants me to be happy and to live a full and rich life just as my earthly parents wanted.  I couldn't do that in my marriage. I now know that I had Biblical grounds for divorce but I still don't like it. I don't like that I broke my family apart and all the ramifications resulting from that decision. There are no family holidays, Sunday dinners or vacations. However, I still do not regret making a personal choice that allowed me to live and breathe and I probably should have made the decision many years earlier.

Two amazing things did come from my marriage.  I have 2 wonderful children who are now happy and successful adults.  I couldn't be more proud of each of them. They are people I want to be friends with whom I trust and respect.  What more could a mother ask for?

Anyway, the simple question from my friend has had me thinking for 2 days now.  No! I am not where I thought I would be. I always thought I would be married and helping raise my grandchildren at this age. I envisioned the life that my parents had.  That is not where I am.

Are there things I would change?  ABSOLUTELY!  Have I had a great life?  ABSOLUTELY!  Are there better things to come?  ABSOLUTELY!

So, for now, it's day by day but I am happy and living a good life.  What more could I ask for?

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